Living abroad can feel lonesome from time to time. Here I share with you 7 ways to make friends abroad.
The place where I have been abroad the longest time has been in the Netherlands – a bit more than 5 years! This country is cold and rainy, windy too at times, during the winter it gets dark too early and the summer sometimes forgets to season here. Nevertheless in the middle of all of that, I have still been able to make heartfelt friends. Here I tell you how I have done it:
Stay Open Minded
I consider that the number one thing that makes people disappointed when wanting to make friends abroad is to expect people to communicate and behave like they do in their home countries. Huge mistake. There will be people who kiss you on the cheek when they meet you, some will shake hands, some will kiss you three times (the Dutch), and some will not touch you at all. Everybody will have their way of behavior as in their home country, everybody opens up at their own pace. Try to give people space and time, do not judge them, and empathize with their natural cultural bias. Whatever you “do not like” consider it as “cultural behavior” and try again next time. After a couple of approaches, you will understand better.
Dedicate time to your hobbies.
Joining clubs dedicated to activities that you enjoy is a double win. Firstly you will make time for yourself and what you love. Secondly, the chances increase to meet people aligned with your character and interests. The hobby/club can serve as an immediate sense of connection and a conversation starter.
Don’t be afraid to connect.
Speaking of connection, do not be afraid to suggest sharing your favorite social media profile. In my experience Instagram works quite well, however back in the day in Vietnam when I met the Dutch ladies that then inspired me to come to the Netherlands, I asked them for their Facebook profile. It works, people will rarely disconnect/unfriend you after that. Before you know it they might be posting a story or photo that triggers your next outing.
Dare to be vulnerable.
Another way is to take a risk and tell someone that you would like to be friends. I met one of my best friends here in the Netherlands just like that. I went to her studio for a viewing to take it over for rent. We clicked, and we even had a coffee right away at the end, I remember telling her, “I do not know if I will be the one chosen to keep the studio, but I hope I can keep you as a friend”. I celebrated my 30 year birthday with her in Rome 2 years ago 😀
Be a good listener.
A Fundamental skill to have to be able to connect with people is to make them feel listened to. This generates trust, and an encouraging feeling to continue sharing, eventually the conversation can flow so much that you can at some point say “Hey since we are talking already, would you like to grab a coffee?” High chances are that you will go for it, otherwise, stay calm, it will be next time.
Stay curious
This one goes along with the former one. Conversation is a skill that is triggered by curiosity, people tend to love talking about themselves, and most will love that you continue to ask them further about what they are already sharing. For example, if someone tells you “I am a marketing manager at COMPANY” you can say “What exactly are you there in your role?”… and so on after every comment given.
Keep in touch
After going through all of the above, do your best efforts to keep in touch, sometimes you will see certain friends only once a month, so if last time the other one invited you for a coffee, perhaps it’s your turn to invite for a beer soon. Relationships take a lot of effort, and making friends is no exception.
Your friend,
Sofia.
